


No Rest for the Wicked or the Dead

by Polyhexian



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, M/M, POV Third Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Ideation, The DJD - Freeform, but also remember how bad canon typical violence actually is, ghostwind au, gratuitous introspection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:34:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29955507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polyhexian/pseuds/Polyhexian
Summary: A lifetime of memories took up space in his mind. His forging day, the crowd of datasticks that had come from Lower Petrohex's fertile ground with him, the near decade he had spent in a warehouse, a thing for purchasing that went unpurchased, meeting Dominus for the first time and thinking that he must be the most beautiful mech in the world, the first day he tasted freedom, his emancipation certificate tucked carefully into his chest plating over his spark chamber, the feeling of Dominus's hand in his own, the anguish he felt when he disappeared, the beginning of a brutal war, Chromedome's sad optics on him at his lowest ever moment, the chaos of Kimia as it burned, the disastrous takeoff of the Lost Light, the tragic early death of Rodimus, the brutality him and everyone he knew suffered at the hands of the DJD, his conjunx screaming until he wasn't screaming anymore, waking up to find himself in a near identical replica of his home, similar, but not the same.He started seeing ghosts:
Relationships: Chromedome/Rewind (Transformers), Rewind & Rewind, past dominus ambus/rewind
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16





	1. Eurydice Wandered

Rewind stumbled over the viscera scattered across the deck and fell to his knees, unable to break his fall with his wrists tied behind his back. He looked up through his cracked visor, blinking against the bright lights of flickering electricity. Claws grabbed him from behind and hauled him back to his feet.

" _Minibots are always so clumsy_ ," hissed a voice in primal vernacular. Rewind knew by now it was Vos- though he hadn't yet let on that he could understand the language. The gunformer seemed to take it for granted that no one did. "Kaon!" 

"Yes, Vos, dear?" asked the chair, before it filled Swerve up with enough untempered electricity he exploded like a blown lightbulb. Rewind shook, hands clenched so tight he thought he must be at risk of yanking his fingers out of their sockets. 

"Tarrrrn," Vos hissed.

"He's picking through the dregs," Kaon answered, transforming back to his root mode casually. He wiped his bloodstained hands before he beckoned Vos to follow him. They passed corpses pinned to the corridor walls before they opened up into the upper viewing deck, the twinkling starscape above a stark contrast to the nightmare below. Piled up body parts gave way to a throng of the remaining crew members, Tarn in front of them calmly writing on a datapad.

" _Tarn,_ " Vos hissed, tugging him along. Rewind caught Chromedome's optics in the crowd and his vents stuttered. Chromedome sat up just so, streaked with energon, but Rewind could tell he was thinking the same thing. _You're alive!_

"Hm?" Tarn turned toward him. "Yes?"

" _Look at this,_ " he said, waving at Rewind, " _A datastick! I haven't seen one of those in years. I've had him recording all the best moments._ "

"That's very nice," Tarn said, and turned away again. Vos huffed like a frustrated toddler. 

" _His name is Rewind,_ " Vos continued. Tarn looked up, more interested.

"Oh, yes," the great purple behemoth said, looking at him with new optics, "That name _was_ in his notes, wasn't it?" 

Vos nodded excitedly. " _His conjunx endura is the mnemosurgeon!_ "

"Well, well," Tarn purred, and then squat down, still towering over Rewind. "Tell me, little one. Who is your conjunx endura?" 

Rewind felt panic spin in his chest. In the corner of his visor he saw Chromedome sit up. "He's already dead!" Rewind spat, "You already killed him!" 

"Did we?" Tarn pondered, before he stood up and looked back out at the crowd. He checked his tablet again, swiped out of his checklist and into some other document. He skimmed it for a moment, as if he had all the time in the world, before he tabbed back to his list and looked up at the crowd again. "Which one of you is Chromedome?" 

No one spoke.

"I told you," Rewind snarled through hot tears, "He's already dead." 

"You have three seconds," Tarn said, swinging his arm canon toward the minibot. It began to power on. "Three. Two-"

"It's me!" Chromedome yelled. Rewind felt his spark sink. 

"You see?" said Tarn. "Was that so hard?"

Mechs dodged out of the way, rolling across the floor as Tarn waded into the group and grabbed Chromedome by his hood, dragging him back over to Rewind and Vos. He threw him onto the floor and Chromedome groaned in pain.

Vos let go of him and swooped over Chromedome instead, claws glimmering as they tugged at his hands. " _Tell him to show me!_ "

"He's a doctor!" Rewind said frantically, "Medics are supposed to be off limits! PoW only!" 

Tarn laughed. "Is he, now?" 

Vos cut Chromedome's hands free and grabbed his wrist, inspecting his hand gleefully. 

"I am," Chromedome choked out, "Noncombatant."

Rewind yelped when Tarn placed a hand on his head. "Let's see the needles, or I pop his head like a grape."

Chromedome did as he was told without hesitation. Vos shrieked in giddy delight and turned them over, running his claws over the blades. Chromedome looked up at Rewind pathetically. Tarn removed his hand and set it on his hips. 

Vos looked up at Tarn. " _Tell him to shadowplay himself. Tell him if he erases his conjunx from his memory we'll let him live._ " 

"Vos has a generous offer for you, my supposed-medic friend," Tarn said, optics landing on Chromedome, "If you erase your Conjunx from your own memories, we'll take you prisoner instead of killing you."

Rewind felt his spark surge with hope.

"No," Chromedome spat. 

"What do you mean _no_?!" Rewind gasped, vision blurry through his wet, cracked optics.

Chromedome looked at him with a bright visor, earnest, yearning, aching to tell him something he didn't understand.

"I think your conjunx wants you to," Tarn chuckled.

"I do!" Rewind insisted. He took a step forward and Vos skipped back over to him to yank him back. Chromedome sat on his knees, staring at his hands. "Chromedome, please! I forgive you, I forgive you in advance, you have permission, please, please, _please!_ "

"I love you," Chromedome said, shaky voice so quiet Rewind wasn't certain anyone else could hear him.

"Chromedome!" Rewind sobbed, pulling against Vos's hold, " _Please!_ "

" _Boo,_ " Vos pouted, " _He's no fun._ " He tossed Rewind aside to return to Chromedome. Rewind hit the floor with a yelp and rolled twice, groaning in a daze. He struggled to his knees and looked back. "Lassssst chanccccce," Vos hissed in neocybex. 

Chromedome trembled and his visor flared, and then in one fluid motion, grabbed his finger needles in his other fist and _snapped_ them in half. 

Rewind knelt in frozen horror as Chromedome fell forward, wailing in agony. Those were deep wired directly into his brain. It must have been like pulling out optical nerves. 

"You have your answer, Vos," Tarn laughed, "We'll find you another one."

" _What a waste!_ " Vos sighed, before he grabbed Chromedome's clenched hand in his own, still clutching the needles, He yanked it up and then drove the points backward into the mnemosurgeon’s visor. Electricity crackled. The glass shattered. Light burst. Chromedome screamed.

The world shook and spun in a melting cacophony of sight and sound, and when the screaming stopped, Rewind stumbled to his feet and ran.

* * *

The world came and went in overwhelming darkness. Sensation ebbed and flowed, synthesia in motion. He felt like he could smell light, touch the sound of pinging metal and dripping liquid, taste the darkness and hear the skunked energon in his audials. His body felt numb and at the same time, all too much, sensors sending back pain no matter how many suppression protocols he ran. He laid in the darkness and it took him, held him, made him home.

Sometimes he thought he heard footsteps, tiny _tnk tnk_ steps against the metal floor. Each one warbled him like gelatin, turning his struts into mush that mixed with his spark and his fuel and turned him into a thick paste that ebbed and oozed in the dark. 

Eventually, he woke up.

"Skids?" he said, confused. He'd seen Skids die. He had it on camera. 

"Hey, take it easy," Skids said gently, palms out toward him. Rewind wobbled. He felt far too low on fuel and far too high on rusted joints. "Yeah, I can explain that. Just take a minute."

Rewind squinted his visor and looked around. He wasn't sure where he was- some kind of shuttle, but not one he recognized. On a vidscreen he saw an unfamiliar purple mech and Nightbeat talking.

"Nightbeat?" he balked, "I _know_ I saw him die."

"Right," Skids said, voice heavy, "about that."

"There's no time," said a voice that sent chills down Rewind's spinal strut, "We have to go. Now."

Rewind spun around. Before him stood Megatron, _the_ Megatron, face stern and hands clenched, chest blazed with a red insignia. Rewind's own faceplate was reflected back at him in the autobrand's shimmering surface.

For some reason, his reflection's visor wasn't cracked. 

* * *

"Let me make sure I understand this right," Rewind said, one hand on the switch that would deactivate the quantum engines from the decimated Lost Light. Red ribbons like organic blood floated around him, just barely far enough away not to touch. "When I pull this, the engines will shut down, and the Lost Light- _my_ Lost Light will be entropically less valuable than yours. It will disappear, along with everyone on it. Including me, right?"

Nautica was silent on the other side of the line.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Rewind sighed.

"Yes," she answered, "I'm sorry."

"Do you want to stop?" Megatron asked him. Paradoxical. Strange. 

"No," Rewind admitted, "I'm glad to be cancelled out. It's kind of a relief, actually. Chromedomes dead, which is just another way of saying _I_ am." He shifted his hand on the switch and noticed it wasn't shaking anymore. In the cool metal above it he could see himself reflected back. He didn't recognize the contempt in his own optics.

"I understand," said Megatron. Rewind doubted he did.

"Tell me one thing," Rewind said softly. "On your Lost Light- are me and Domey still going strong?"

His reflection's visor flared.

"You're inseparable," Megatron answered. 

Rewind sighed and shut his visor off. Back in the darkness, the world faded out of sight and sound and into nothing. He pulled the switch. 

* * *

Rewind sat on top of what he had been told was the "Rod Pod." He was glad the others were keeping their distance, leaving him alone. He wasn't sure how he felt, now that he was faced with the reality he might just have to… live. 

He rolled his hands in and out of fists, watching his fingers curl and uncurl. He didn't know what to do. He could keep searching for Dominus, but- but without Chromedome… with his yearning optics echoing in his mind… with his screaming still ringing in his audials… without his warm visor to wake up to every morning...

"So you're still here," said an uncomfortably familiar voice. Rewind sat up and turned around.

Rewind was standing some distance away, arms crossed, watching him. It was a startling mirror image. 

"Oh- you're the other Rewind," Rewind said. 

"The real one," the other replied, resentment undisguised. Rewind was taken aback. 

"I- I'm sorry?" Rewind stammered.

"I said 'the real one,'" the other repeated, "I'm the real Rewind. You're a copy. An echo."

Rewind shook his head and turned away. "Am I really this much of an asshole? Go away. I don't want to deal with this right now."

"Too bad," the other snapped, "I'm not going anywhere. You have to deal with me, echo."

Rewind spun back around. "What the hell is your problem?!"

"I hate you," the other Rewind hissed, "There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my body. Each and every inch of them are united in hating you."

Rewind felt unease creep up his spinal strut. The other Rewind watched him through his flared visor, arms tightly crossed. Rewind didn't know what to say. 

The hatch he had exited the pod through opened.

Chromedome's face when he saw him was beyond words. Relief. Love. Fear. Grief. Joy. Anguish. Need. He pulled himself out of the hatch and crossed the hull to sit down next to him. Rewind couldn't help but stare. The last image he had of his conjunx's face was in agony as his life ended.

"Rewind," he breathed, like he was afraid to say his name. 

"Not yours," Rewind said quickly, glancing back at where this Chromedome's conjunx was watching him nearby, "I'm from the other Lost Light. I'm still here for some reason."

"I'm so glad," Chromedome warbled, "I- you- you deserve to live."

"Maybe," Rewind mumbled, "But I'm not entirely convinced yet that I want to." 

Chromedome's visor flared. "Don't say that."

Rewind chuckled weakly. "Well, you've said it enough times. Don't I get a turn?"

"No," Chromedome answered, voice warbling like he might cry, "I missed you. So much. So much I thought it would kill me."

Rewind blinked his visor once, twice, and then looked up. "What?"

"You-" Chromedome swallowed thickly, " _My_ Rewind… he _died._ A year ago."

Rewind felt his lines go cold. He straightened up. He looked behind him.

The other Rewind was still glaring. He tilted his visor down at him. Rewind turned back to Chromedome.

"He's dead?" he asked, breathless. Chromedome nodded. Rewind shivered. "Are we- are we alone up here?" he asked carefully.

Chromedome turned and looked around. His gaze passed right over the other Rewind. "Yes, I think so."

The cold chill turned to ice. Rewind turned back around.

"He's mine," the other Rewind hissed, " _Not yours._ "

"What are you looking at?" Chromedome asked.

"Nothing," Rewind dismissed immediately, turning back to Chromedome. His brain was spinning, spark flared to burst. He must be hallucinating. The stress. The trauma. Something. He wasn't real. He wasn't here. "Do you- how did he die?"

Chromedome shuttered his visor and touched his chest over his spark like he was in actual physical pain. "It… it was my fault. I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing, but I lied to him about what I was doing, and…" he turned away, the words choked like he was forgetting how to speak. Rewind didn't know how he was supposed to feel, if he was supposed to empathize, resent, pity. He reached out and put a hand on Chromedome's. "I was interfacing with Overlord. I didn't tell him. He got out and- and Rewind sacrificed himself to get him off the ship. It was my fault, I-" He shook like a dry leaf. "I understand if you don't- if you can't forgive me. I've had a lot of time to think about it and- and I understand if you can't but- I'm just- I'm glad you're alive."

Rewind tried to calm his raging processor. Thoughts of Overlord and blood and mnemosurgery spun in waves that mixed with Tarn's laughter and Vos's primal vernacular, Chromedome's last words. _I love you._

He gripped the edge of the ship tight and then shifted sideways, close enough to Chromedome their thighs were touching. Chromedome was still shaking, but went still when Rewind leaned against him. 

"I don't know yet," Rewind admitted, "There's too much to think about. But whether- whether I forgive you or not, Chromedome-" he shook his head, "I love you. Of course I love you."

Chromedome let out a shaky breath. "You do?"

"Whatever happens tomorrow," Rewind mumbled, "I need you today."

Chromedome moved an arm hesitantly as if to put it around him and stopped. Rewind nudged him with his head and he put his arm down around his shoulders, a comforting, familiar weight that grounded him like nothing else so far had. 

"Whatever you need from me," Chromedome whispered.

"I just need you," Rewind warbled, "I need you."

Chromedome tightened his grip, resolutely protective. His plating felt warm. 

Rewind glanced to the side through the corner of his visor. In the distance the other watched him in silence.


	2. Juliet Lied

Rewind didn't feel safe, but at least, he felt safer, wrapped in Chromedome's arms. They had the same habsuite as he had back on the other Lost Light- the room was familiar in its shape, and yet, unfamiliar too. Furniture was slightly different. Moved. Unfamiliar decorations. Similar, but not the same. 

"That's my berth," a voice in the darkness told him. 

Rewind glanced up. The other leaned against the glass of the window, backlit by distant stars. 

"I'm sorry," Rewind whispered.

"Not sorry enough to leave," the ghost quipped. 

"You're really this mad at me for wanting just a little peace? After watching everyone I care about- after watching _Domey_ die?" Rewind choked as quietly as he could, "Wouldn't you do the same?"

"I would have, once," the other agreed. "But being dead gives you a lot of time to think. I've made some realizations."

"You're not a ghost," Rewind argued. "You're not real."

"No?" the phantom scoffed. "Let's see how that goes for you."

"Leave me alone."

"Leave my conjunx alone."

"Don't you want him to be _happy?_ " Rewind hissed, "He _is_ alone!"

"Better alone than with you."

"What makes you _so_ much better than me?" Rewind was having trouble keeping his volume down. Behind him Chromedome fidgeted in his sleep. Both Rewinds were silent, waiting for him to go still.

"Nothing," the other answered, "He's better off without me, too."

Rewind balked at him. "What?"

"What have we done for him?" the other laughed bitterly, "We've dragged him around for millenia searching for Dominus. It's no wonder he's so miserable all the time. He knows he's never going to be more than second best."

"Don't be stupid," Rewind disagreed, "He knows I love him."

"Does he?" 

"Go away," Rewind hissed, "Let me sleep."

"In my bed. In my room. With my conjunx."

Rewind ignored him, stubbornly flicking off his visor and turning over into Chromedome's embrace. He force disconnected his audials when the other started talking again. He wasn't in the mood.

* * *

Rewind sat in his unfamiliar berth and stared at the summons on his HUD. Ultra Magnus wanted to speak to him. Or, well. Minimus wanted to speak to him, and he was still signing his paperwork as Ultra Magnus, even to him.

Rewind wondered if this Rewind had confronted Minimus. Maybe they had a better relationship here. He snapped his HUD shut and looked away.

"Are you alright?" Chromedome asked from where he was rooting around in the storage closet.

"No," Rewind answered. He made optic contact with the other, sitting on the corner desk and watching him. He looked bored. "I'll never be okay again. Also, Minimus called for me."

Chromedome flinched. "Yes. Actually. I asked him to do that."

Rewind looked up. "Why?"

Chromedome pulled out a box and set it on the berth, wiping off dust. He set his hands on the sides and took a deep invent. "I thought… I know I told you a little, last night, but… you should know the rest. Keeping secrets, not talking about it… already killed you once, and I can't… I can't lose you again." He hesitated. "But I didn't think you should hear it from me. I don't trust myself to be honest. Not to try to make myself look good. One of the last things Rewind said to me was- was 'I don't know if I can forgive you for this.'"

The ghost on the desk watched Chromedome with sad optics. "Forgive you or not, Domey," he said softly, "I loved you. Up until the last moment. That never changed."

"...Thank you, Chromedome," Rewind murmured. "That's… very big of you. I think you're right. It's for the best." 

Chromedome opened the box. "I packed up your things when you-" he swallowed. "I packed up your things." He held out a shimmering ruby. It was a beautiful knick-knack, a shiny desk decoration. Rewind immediately liked it. "We bought this on Hedonia. You saw it in a shop and had to have it."

"No he didn't," the phantom said, sounding suddenly small, " _I_ did that."

Rewind's plating crawled. "Chromedome- I didn't. I didn't go to Hedonia. Those aren't my things."

Chromedome blinked, looked down at the stone and then back up at him. "I don't understand."

"Your Rewind isn't me," Rewind said, "He still died."

"I know, but," Chromedome said uselessly, looking back at the box, "But even if you don't remember, I thought- if you- he liked them, you would."

Rewind didn't want to look through that box of a dead mech's things. He stood up. "I think you should put those back in the closet," he said hoarsely. "I'm going to go talk to Minimus." 

"...Right," Chromedome said. He sounded miserable. He sounded like a stiff wind might blow him over a cliff at any moment.

"...I'll see you again in a bit," Rewind said, crossing the room.

"It's okay, Domey," he heard the other say quietly behind him before the door shut, "I'm not mad at you."

Rewind didn't have any intention of speaking to Minimus. That man had no issues lying to him. He didn't trust him and he didn't like him either. He went straight for the Captain's Quarters and knocked. 

"Yeah?" said a tired voice within, "Who is it?"

"Rewind."

"Rewind? Oh, shit, hang on." There was a crash within.

"Interesting choice," said a familiar voice behind him. Rewind didn't turn to look at his following phantom. "You'd really rather talk to Rodimus than Minimus? He brought Overlord on board in the first place."

Rewind ignored him. The door opened. Rodimus looked like he'd readied himself very quickly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get a lot of recharge, there's been so much to do, and- nevermind, not important," Rodimus dismissed with a wave of his hand. "What do you need?"

"Can we speak?" Rewind asked.

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Rodimus ushered him into his habsuite. Rewind was surprised by how uncharacteristically tame it was. No pink walls or flame decals. "Can I just say- it's great to have you back. You were dearly missed."

Rewind sighed. "I'm not _back,_ Rodimus. I'm not _your_ Rewind, remember? I barely know you. You weren't even my captain."

"An inferior replacement," the other mumbled.

Rodimus sat up straight, looking alarmed and then nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"Will you tell me what happened here? With your Rewind. With Chromedome. I want the truth."

Rodimus fixed him with a sad gaze and then nodded. He grabbed a chair from his desk and wheeled it over. "Sit down. It's going to take awhile." 

* * *

Rewind stood outside Chromedome's habsuite door. His hand hovered over the keypad. He didn't know why he didn't press it. 

"You don't get to steal my conjunx just because you got yours killed," the other hissed, standing in front of the door.

Rewind didn't look at him. He looked at the keypad. 

"He'll never love you. Not when he already lost me. He will always miss _me_ just a little more than he loves _you_ ," the other continued. 

"What do you _want_ from me?" Rewind rasped, vision swimming. He couldn't blame it on a broken visor this time.

"I want you to give me my life back!" the ghost snarled furiously, visor flared. 

"I can't," Rewind said pathetically, "You died. I can't help you."

The other Rewind just glared at him, optics brimming with unbridled hatred. Rewind had never seen an expression like that on himself before. He didn't know he was capable of so much hate. It made him queasy.

"I'm sorry," Rewind said, and finally mashed the keypad to open the door. He sidestepped the ghost.

"Hey!" Chromedome said, looking up from his desk, "You're back!"

"Yeah," Rewind said, feeling sick and awkward and uncomfortable. Chromedome hesitated, sensing something was wrong.

"What is it?" he asked. 

"Be gentle," the other said, his voice suddenly earnest, the hot thread of resentment that ran through his words replaced by something else. "Please."

"Like I said, Chromedome- I love you. Of course I love you. You couldn't make me not love you. But-"

"But?" Chromedome replied, sitting straight up. His visor flared. He looked frightened. For a moment he wasn't sitting in a desk chair in his habsuite but on his knees in a crowd of blood covered crewmates.

"But I'm just… you were right. It's a lot. You didn't just keep it from him, you _lied_ to him, over and over… I just…" Rewind crossed his arms, feeling suddenly too exposed, too vulnerable. "I don't know how I can trust you. The only thing I've ever asked of you was to try to stop injecting. It's one thing when you find an excuse for why you have to but you at least _tell_ me- it's another when you lie to my face for months because you know you're doing something you're not supposed to."

Chromedome wilted like a dying flower. "Oh." 

"You're not a bad person, Domey," the other whispered to him, like he desperately hoped he would hear it, "I wish you trusted me."

"...I just think I need some time," Rewind said finally. Chromedome stared at him.

"Time to what? What kind of time?"

"I asked Rodimus… I asked Rodimus to assign me my own room," Rewind told him. He saw Chromedome's hands clench. "It's just across the hall. I'm not going far."

"I don't understand," Chromedome said weakly. Rewind spark spun and roiled. "Are you leaving me?" Light leaked from the corners of his optics.

"No, no," the other warbled, reaching for him and through him, hands unable to touch. Rewind felt uneasy watching him clip through the other mech like an unstable video game render. "Stop. You're going to kill him. He's so fragile, please, he can't. He can't handle this."

Rewind tightened his grip on his arms. "No," he said, "I'm not- I'm not leaving you. I just… I really want you to think about… me, and him, and understand that. I'm different. I'm not the same Rewind that died. And I want… I want a reason to trust you again. And I want to think. I've had a lot happen. I just want some space."

Chromedome swallowed thickly. "I understand," he said in a voice that made it clear he did not. His words shook like leaves and he sounded like he might cry. "Whatever you need."

"Domey," the other said pathetically. Rewind tried to ignore him.

"That's all I need right now. Space." He paused. "Thank you for understanding." 

Chromedome didn't respond, as if he were at a loss for words. Or perhaps afraid if he said anything else it wouldn't be something he should. Rewind nodded and then turned in silence and keyed the door open, stepping into the hall. 

As soon as the door slid shut he could hear Chromedome sobbing behind him.

"You're sparkless," the other spat behind him. 

Rewind ignored him and crossed the hall to key open his new room. 

“I thought this is what you _wanted,_ ” Rewind groaned as soon as the door shut. He hated the room immediately. Dusty. Cold. Dark. It hadn’t been lived in in years. Cold stars watched from the window. “I’m not sleeping with your conjunx anymore. Why are you _still_ mad?”

“Can’t you at least _pretend_ you don’t hate him?” The other stepped past him, as if he’d stepped through the wall.

“I don’t hate him.”

“He certainly thinks you do.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Rewind dismissed, “He knows I love him. I just _told_ him.”

“With your words,” the other commented, glancing back toward him.

Rewind shook his head and approached the head of the recharge slab, dusting off the console and powering it on. He was relieved that it still worked. He sat down to type in his spark-type and recharge rate, update everything to his preferences. 

“So what will you do?” the other eventually asked. Rewind glanced over to him. He had taken to sitting on the desk, legs crossed, chin in one hand, elbow against a knee. He wasn’t yelling anymore, at least.

“I’m not sure,” Rewind admitted. “It’s not like I _want_ to leave him.”

“Mhmm.”

“It’s not even like this is the first time he’s lied to me.” Rewind leaned back against the console with a sigh. “It won’t be the last time, either.”

“Probably not.”

“There has to be a line, right?” Rewind asked. “There has to be a point where I put my foot down. Where I say enough is enough. I won’t let you treat me like this anymore.”

“What, he’s not allowed to lie to you?” The other raised an optic ridge. “You’re allowed to lie to him.”

Rewind narrowed his visor at him. “What?”

“How many hours of Decepticon torture footage do you have archived?” the other inquired, “How many does he _think_ you have?”

“That’s completely different. Archiving footage, no matter how sick it is, doesn’t put anyone else at risk.”

“Remember that file we got from a jailbroken Decepticon terminal when we were in Altihex?”

Rewind winced. “Yes. Right.”

“How long did that virus keep us in the medibay?” The ghost gestured up like he really had to think. “Two? Three months?”

“Three and a half,” Rewind mumbled.

“Do you remember the seizures? I remember the seizures. And how Prowl kept calling Chromedome threatening to court martial him if he didn’t return to his post?”

“And he just kept crying,” Rewind sighed, “I remember.”

“Remember when you tried to meet with Vortex for a deal and he _shot_ you?”

“Yes, yes, I remember, okay!” Rewind snapped, “Okay. I get it. I put myself in danger. I see your point. He puts himself in danger, I put myself in danger. You don’t need to beat a dead turbohorse.”

“Seems hypocritical is all.”

Rewind slid down onto his back and threw an arm over his face, covering his visor. “Maybe. Maybe it is. Maybe we’re a terrible match.”

“Oh?”

“Maybe I should just cut him loose,” Rewind mumbled, “He’s been miserable with me. Maybe I should just let him go. Let him inject as much as he wants. He was happier when he didn’t have to be ashamed of the only thing he thinks he’s good at.”

“You don’t even believe that.”

Rewind sighed. “Are we toxic, Rewind? Is that just it? I love him. You love him. Obviously. Maybe that’s not enough. Maybe we’re just bad for each other.”

The other was quiet for a moment. Long enough that Rewind moved his arm and glanced over at him. The ghost was watching him with uncharacteristically sympathetic optics. “No.”

“No?”

“He was going to kill himself when you met him. He’s done a lot of good work since you met him.”

“He only did it because I told him to. He only did any therapy because he was afraid I’d leave him if he didn’t.”

“It still helped him. He was so far gone that he wasn’t afraid of losing himself, he wasn’t afraid of losing his life, or the war, or his body. The only thing he was afraid of losing was you. You shouldn’t feel bad about that.”

“Maybe.”

“You’ve been happier with him. Less paranoid.” The other watched him carefully and sat up straight. “He’s better for you than Dominus ever was.”

Rewind blinked and then sat up. “Excuse me?”

“He left us. Domey’s never done that. He’s followed us everywhere we’ve ever gone.”

Rewind twitched, feeling angry. He shook his head. “Whatever. You’re bitter and miserable and your perspective is massively warped. I’m not the one with blinders on.”

“Maybe.”

Rewind crossed his arms. “...What would you do, then? If our roles were switched.”

The other Rewind laughed. “I’d tell me to go fuck myself,” he said, “and I’d go crawl in berth with my conjunx.”

Rewind watched him, unease crawling up his back. He rolled onto his side. “I’m going to sleep.”

“Go on, then. I’ll be here.”


	3. Horatio Wept

Rewind kept his head down as he hurried through the sub-corridor of the archive and back into the street. It was still early, the sun barely cresting over the horizon, casting harsh shafts of light against mirrored surfaces. It made the whole square feel uneasy, as if spotlit. He already always felt watched enough.

Even at this early hour the square was packed, mostly with other disposables running early morning errands for their owners like he was. He couldn't help but feel bad for them; he'd been lucky when he'd been purchased. He'd watched countless other dataslugs outmoded and overloaded, destroyed to save sensitive material, stolen and scrapped, used and thrown away. Out here he was as much as they were, dirt in the gutter, worth only the ire of their owners. At home he'd be real again, he'd be a person again, he could speak again. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible. 

"No," said a voice beside him suddenly. This was an alt mode exclusion zone- they weren't supposed to speak here, so the voice startled him. He turned to see a laser pointer clutching a datapad to his chest frozen stock-still, eyes wide.

"What's wrong?" Rewind asked before he could stop himself. The stranger didn't respond, other than to begin trembling. Rewind suddenly realized he wasn't the only one who can gone still in the crowd- _many_ had. He spun around, noting them all, and realized they were _all_ laser pointers.

 _This was a recall._

"I didn't do anythi-" the mech beside him said, before his voice was lost in the _boom_ as his head exploded, sending shrapnel flying and smoke billowing. 

A series of explosions followed and Rewind dropped the box he was carrying in terror. A sharp piece of debris struck him in the stomach and cut open his plating, but when he looked down he knew the energon on the ground, around his feet, was not his.

He collapsed downward, squatting with his hands over his head, faceplate buried in his knees. The explosions continued as the third most ubiquitous alt-mode vanished from the surface of Cybertron in a single moment.

It wasn't until the explosions stopped, leaving the world in unrelenting silence that he started screaming.

"Rewind!" Chromedome's voice yelled somewhere, "Are you okay?! What's wrong!?"

Rewind couldn't answer. In the darkness he could feel his turn coming next, the inside of his head burning like molten lava, his spark spinning and vents stuttering, spark guttering as his database fried itself in waves. He could hear voices beneath the energon rushing past his audials, but the world kept melting, he was too hot and too small and-

He startled and looked up from the floor when he heard the metal shriek as Chromedome shoulder checked his way through the door.

"Rewind!" His visor was bright with worry and fear. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"It…" the light streaming in from the hall through the wrenched open doors lit up the room and banished the lingering shadows. The visions were already fading back into his processor, his frame starting to cool now that his vents were open and fans were on. "It was just a nightmare." The other Rewind was still sitting on the desk, watching Chromedome with sad optics. He didn't seem to be paying attention to Rewind at all. "Look what you did to the door…"

Chromedome looked back at it, as if he'd only just remembered he had done that. "I'm sorry. I just- I heard you screaming across the hall and… sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Domey," the other murmured, "Thank you for listening."

"I'll have to move until it's fixed, now," Rewind groaned, grabbing the side of the berth to haul himself back to his feet. Chromedome deflated. 

"I'll put the maintenance request in for you," he mumbled. 

"...You can't just barge in here, Chromedome," Rewind shook his head, "This- I said I needed space."

"I know, I just-" Chromedome looked lost, "You were screaming."

"Haven't you made him hate himself enough yet?" the other spat at him. "He was trying to _help_ you."

"It was just a nightmare," Rewind sat down on the edge of the berth, rubbing his helm, "I have them all the time. So do you. It's not a big deal."

"Was it the DJD?" Chromedome asked, "If it was, I mean… my offer still stands, you know. If you want."

"No, it wasn't the DJD, it was the Dark Dawn," Rewind groaned, struggling to his feet and waving away Chromedome's offer of assistance, "And I won't dignify that offer with a response."

"He's only trying to help, you know," the other spat.

Chromedome looked at a loss for words. He hovered uncertainly in the doorway, hands floating in front of his body. "Right. I… I should go, then."

"...Yeah," said Rewind. "You should go." He glanced at the other. "You need to get some sleep, Chromedome."

Chromedome nodded softly, but then hesitated. "Wait. What's the dark dawn?"

Rewind narrowed his visor at him. "What do you mean? 6th cycle, 351. The mass recall of the laser pointers."

"Mass recall?" Chromedome repeated, confused, "What?"

Rewind cocked his head at him and then moved to speak again when he was interrupted by the sudden blaring of the overhead alarm. 

"Chromedome! Perceptor! Magnus! I need you on the bridge, _now!_ " Rodimus's static filled voice yelled over the intercom, "Anyone still conscious, battlestations! Anyone not conscious, wake the hell up!"

They both stared at the ceiling for a moment after the broadcast terminated. "That can't be good," Chromedome commented first. 

"You're going with him, right?" the other asked.

"I'm coming with you," Rewind confirmed, pushing himself back to his feet. "We'll worry about the door later."

Chromedome looked relieved. He tilted his hand toward Rewind for him to reach up and grab, and he yearned for it, but kept his arms at his sides as he fell in step beside him. He didn't think he imagined the wince Chromedome gave as he folded his fingers back into his palm.

* * *

"No, I'm not really surprised," Rewind replied, watching Whirl ecstatically rummage through a box of Brainstorm's weapons. 

"How can you say that?" Chromedome asked him. He sounded even more hurt than he did earlier. "This isn't like him at all."

"Of course it is," Rewind argued, "Impulsive, dangerous, reckless, completely without regard for the safety and lives of those around him? Yeah, classic Brainstorm, as far as I'm concerned."

"At least we agree on one thing," the other commented from where he was standing next to Whirl and peering into the crate. 

"You're biased!" Chromedome groaned, "You've always hated him. He's not a bad person. He cares about other people. He cares about _me._ "

"He doesn't care about you," Rewind scoffed, "He's either in love with you or he knows he can take advantage of your empathy."

Chromedome looked stricken. "You really think that?"

"I don't know if you remember," Rewind snapped, "But _my_ Brainstorm got everyone I know murdered. Am I supposed to be surprised yours is doing the same thing?" 

"How can you know that he was _trying_ to?" Chromedome implored, "Brainstorm- I _know_ him. I've known him even longer than I've known you. He's _not_ a Decepticon. He's _not_ a traitor. He's not a murderer, either!"

"He's an amoral, selfish, lying, manipulative war profiteer who has never cared about anyone but himself in his entire life!" Rewind yelled, "He's a Decepticon traitor with the DJD on speed-dial and a secret plan to murder Optimus Prime and change history! He's not your friend, Chromedome, and he never was! You need to grow up!" 

"Here, here!" the other Rewind yelled, and then straightened up, looking back at them. His visor dimmed when he noticed Chromedome's wrecked expression. "Maybe you need to slow down, actually."

Rewind took a deep invent and cycled it slowly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just-" he shook his head and flickered his visor off and on. "I'm not myself. But that's not your fault. That ones not on you."

"You're wrong," Chromedome said, his voice shaky, "You don't know him like I do."

"I'm sure," Rewind hissed under his breath, and immediately regretted it. Chromedome looked gutted, but didn't respond again, turning away. 

"I'll be back. I have to talk to Rodimus about the handshake," Chromedome mumbled. He turned away, optics averted.

The other wandered back over and took his place sitting on the bench. 

"You gotta get it together, man," he commented, "Keep it up and he'll dump you before you dump him."

"I'm not dumping him!" Rewind snapped. He froze and looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

"You're thinking about it," the other replied, ignoring his anxiety, "I can tell."

"Of course I'm _thinking_ about it," Rewind whispered, trying to look inconspicuous, "I love him, obviously, but things are- I don't know if we can get past _all of this._ And God, _you_."

"Well, then I'm certainly doing my job." The other leaned back and folded his arms behind his head. "When you break it off, be gentle. Don't tell him it's his fault. He'll never get over it, and if you kill him, I'll haunt you for the rest of your miserable life. I won't ever give you a moment of rest."

"Don't be so fucking dramatic," Rewind mumbled. 

"Rewind!" Chromedome called to him, "It's time to go!"

"Come on then," Rewind sighed and stood up. The other followed suit.

* * *

"How much longer do you think we're going to have to wait here?" Chromedome asked.

"Who knows," Whirl shrugged, "I have no idea what I'm waiting for."

"Wasn't this _your_ haunt?" Rewind grumbled.

"I worked here for decades, _four million_ years ago!" Whirl huffed, "You think I remember every random day I went to work?"

"Ugh," Rewind groaned, and flopped back down on the roof.

"You think he remembers a single one of the empties he beat the slag out of other than Megatron?" the other Rewind asked sardonically.

"Don't worry, boys, Whirlibird's got his eye on the prize. Entertain yourselves."

Rewind rolled his optical display in silence at both of them, then glanced up at Chromedome. He looked perturbed, uneasy. 

"You okay?" he asked. "Still worrying about Brainstorm?"

Chromedome was quiet, resting one arm on his knee and staring somewhere into the middle distance, lost in thought. "I wouldn't know who you were if it weren't for him."

The other snapped his head up and turned around. Rewind narrowed his visor and leaned forward. "What?" 

"Everything after the shuttle exploded is a blur," he murmured, optics fixed elsewhere, "I felt like I was laying on the floor for hours. Days, maybe. I didn't think I'd ever find the strength to stand up again. I wanted to lay there until I ran out of fuel and my spark burned out. Eventually he came down and picked me up and dragged me back to my room." 

"Domey…" the other said quietly, leaving Whirl to return and kneel down next to him.

"The next two days was all about repairs. Medical emergencies. Debriefings. I didn't leave my room. He came and brought me something to eat both days. On the third day we had the funeral and when I got home-" he reached up and touched the back of his neck with his hand, "I was going to fix it."

Rewind stared at him, frozen. Chromedome rubbed the back of his neck, and Rewind heard his own voice in the distance, screaming. _I forgive you, I forgive you in advance, you have permission, please, please, please!_

"I know," Chromedome said, dropping his hand and turning away. "It's horrible. But you already know I'm not a good person. I never was."

The other Rewind was in his new line of sight, invisible but peering into his optics anyway. "No, Chromedome, you are! Of course you are!"

"But from the moment I hit the floor that first night, all I could think about was killing myself. How many different ways were actually at my disposal. Who might be willing to help. Who would even care in the first place. It was just too much." He held his hand out and extended his needles, tilting them forward to catch the light. "It seemed like I only had two choices. Shred my memories until I could patch together something I could live with, or kill myself." 

"Domey, I'm so sorry…" the other said, voice cracking. He reached forward toward Chromedome's face, but hovered just out of range with trembling fingers, miserable. 

"I'm glad you didn't kill yourself," Rewind said quietly. 

Chromedome put his needles away and leaned back on his hands. "Brainstorm came to talk me out of it. Apparently I've done it before."

A cold chill went up Rewind's spinal strut. "What?"

Chromedome laughed bitterly. "Three times." He collapsed down onto his back and covered his visor with the heels of his palms. "Three! And at the time all I could think was- you idiot, I thought you _didn't_ want me to do this, why did you just tell me it's _worked?_ "

"What do you mean _three?_ " Rewind insisted, "Three people you forgot? Three times you erased your own memories?"

"Three _dead conjunxes_ I forgot," Chromedome hiccupped through strangled laughter, "I've got names, but no faces. I don't even feel anything when I say them. Its just sounds. Brainstorm told me to my face he knew trying to convince me not to was pointless, that I never listened to him, that he knew I didn't have any problem lying to him or myself. If anyone's the selfish monster it's me. Not him."

Rewind stared at him, processor whirling. "I'm not your first?" he said weakly. He was surprised by the hurt in his own voice. Why did that bother him?

"Why does that bother you?" the other Rewind snapped, balling his outstretched hand into a fist and mashing it against the ground. "He's not _your_ first either! You're such a fucking hypocrite."

"Guess not," Chromedome warbled, "That's one lie I didn't mean to tell you, at least." 

"You didn't mean it, Domey," the other said quickly, returning his attention to him, "I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. I'm so glad."

Rewind swallowed and shook his head. Hesitantly, he reached out and set a hand on Chromedome's arm. "Hey. This is… I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. If you really thought that was the only thing you could do to live, I'm glad you lived. I am."

Chromedome sniffled, letting his hands fall away. He tilted his face toward him miserably. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to do the right thing. I just keep seeing your face through the window with Overlord behind you, only now I can reach out and grab you and it's all I want to do."

For a moment Chromedome wasn't on his back but on his knees, needles in his optics, screaming for a god Rewind knew he didn't believe in. His spark sunk. "For me, my Chromedome _just_ died. I _just_ watched you die. You still don't even feel _real._ "

"God, can you be nice to him for two fucking seconds?!" the other Rewind snapped.

"I know," Chromedome shook his head, "I know. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you about this," Rewind sighed, laying down on the roof. "You didn't do it. And _them…_ I don't have room to judge for that. So I won't."

"You're not mad?" 

"Why didn't you erase me?" Rewind asked. _Please, Chromedome, please, please, please!_ "What convinced you?"

"You did," he answered, "Er- he did. He left me a message, just before he died."

"You watched it," the other Rewind breathed, sagging in relief. Rewind eyed him dubiously.

"What did it say?" 

"He said I was a better person now," Chromedome murmured, "That I deserved to be happy. That you were terrified I would die before you did. To keep going without you." He paused. "I know it by spark, if you want it word for word."

"You do?" the other Rewind warbled, his visor starting to leak, "You watched it that many times?"

"You don't have to do that," Rewind shook his head, still watching the ghost with growing concern. "I thought you said you thought you'd kill yourself if you didn't do it, though."

"And remember," Chromedome murmured, "You deserve to be happy. You're a better person now, stubborn and frustrating, but wonderful." He stared up at the glimmering stars. "He wrote that message _after_ he said he didn't think he'd ever forgive me. I thought, for three days… he died hating me, that he'd finally realized what he should have when we met. That I was never going to be good. But even then, even still, even knowing I'd killed him- he was still trying to keep me alive." He shuttered his visor and took a strangled breath. "I couldn't."

The other Rewind sniffled and wiped his faceplate. "Good. Good. Primus, thank you, that's all I wanted." Rewind watched him sit back, burying his face in his hands. "I miss you."

Rewind looked away from him. "He was right. Stubborn and frustrating… but wonderful. You _are_ a better person now. And you _do_ deserve to be happy."

Chromedome onlined his visor and looked at him. "I miss you." 

Rewind's spark roiled. "I miss you too." 

Chromedome moved to speak and then thought better of it, turning back to the sky. He was silent a little while before he pointed at a cluster of stars.

"Okay-" Chromedome said weakly, " _That_ one- the bright one. Imagine that's the corner of Prowl's mouth, the twitchy corner. And the star next to it is the tip of his chin. And if you join all those stars together- if you do that- it looks like you with a girder, creeping up behind him! Your turn."

Rewind felt queasy suddenly. The other Rewind sniffled harshly and turned his face toward him.

"Bashing his ex. Our favourite game, huh? Meanwhile we're out there with Dominus, whom he's not ever allowed to mention without us snapping at him. No wonder he thinks we hate him. No wonder he thinks he'll never be good enough."

"He's up there, Chromedome," Rewind said, "Somewhere between the stars."

"You're allowed to say his name, you know. Dominus Ambus. I'm not- I'm better than I used to be."

"Oh, yeah, see?" the phantom snapped, "He thinks he's in the wrong. He thinks he's the bad guy for not worshipping the ground dommy walked on. Meanwhile what are you doing out there right now? Still trying to figure out why he excluded your name from _The Ascetic Cybertronian_?"

"I'm up there with him," Rewind swallowed, ignoring him, "Looking for a moon we'll never find." 

"The other Chromedome- from the other Lost Light- did you two ever talk about him?" Chromedome asked.

"Really talk? I don't think so. Why?" 

"I don't know. Wondering."

Rewind laid down in silence. The ghost shook away his tears. "He's up there. If we knew what day it was we'd know exactly where, too. And soon enough, we're going to wake up and he'll be gone. Just like that. Like we were nothing. Like he wouldn't even miss us."

"Okay- listen, I've been thinking," Rewind said, sitting up, "If we borrowed the time case-"

"When did we start calling it a time case?" Chromedome scoffed.

"Shush. If we borrowed it, we could find out what happened to Dominus!"

"You idiot," the ghost hissed.

"Find out what happened to him," Chromedome said, voice suddenly mirthful, bitter. Rewind wasn't sure why.

"Yes!"

"You wouldn't want to _stop it,_ whatever it was?" Chromedome asked, visor narrowed. 

"I- well, I mean, if it turned out he was hurt or killed, the yes, of course I'd want to stop it-"

"Because that's the only reason he would have left us, huh," spat his phantom, "He never would have left on his own accord."

"That would change history, which we're not allowed to _do,_ remember?" Chromedome groaned, sitting up, "Collapsing timelines? End of everything?"

"Yes, I know, but-"

"And nevermind any of that!" Chromedome's optics were pleasing again, confused, hurt. "What you're suggesting would change _us._ You and me. _We_ wouldn't happen."

"And he would be dead," the other Rewind snarled at him bitterly, "He would have finished what we interrupted."

"Is that what you want?" Chromedome asked brokenly.

Rewind stared at his feet, fuel tank spinning, spark roiling, processor whirling. He wanted to curl into himself and cease to exist entirely. There were too many iterations of himself. Too many clashing memories. Too many timelines. He didn't want to make decisions. He wanted everything to be easy, just for once.

"You sparkless son of a glitch," the ghost spat at him, venom in his voice. "How do you not know the answer? You're going to undo everything I did. Everything I wanted. You're going to kill him in inches." He stood up, over Rewind, glaring down at him with a flared visor. "I hope you _die._ "

"Oi! Lovebots!" Whirl interrupted.


End file.
